I’ve Slowed Aging!

As I read yet another post about how business X’s growth has slowed as a percentage but without showing the actual numbers it occurred to me as 2014 wraps up: year-over-year, as a percentage, my aging has slowed down!!!

Furthermore I can make a staggering prediction that my aging will in fact slow down even more in 2015!!!

Don’t believe me? I have a chart and therefore this must be true, right?

Chart 1: reduction in aging as a percentage:

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Amazing, right? Even more stunning as I ran the numbers (this is analyst-speak for “I plunked some numbers into Excel and moved them around until I made my point”) is that I can, with 99.97% accuracy* show that I will have cut my aging in half by 2050.

Chart 2: prediction for 2050

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You can’t really argue with the math here. I even added significant digits to the percentages and everything just like a real analyst!

If you want this level of expert consulting on your business using omni-quantitative predictive modeling let me know, we are available at exorbitantly competitive rates. We are also currently considering a Series A round of funding for our stealth startup based on this anti-aging “miracle” formula. Contact me @bricin on Twitter for more information about getting in on the ground floor.

Happy New Year!

  • 99.97% accuracy is based on the “true fact” that I might in actually die in which case my annual aging will in fact have been driven to zero. Seriously zero aging!

** Interested in the actual numbers? Let us know if you want to invest in the application that you can use to derive your own annual decrease in aging as a percentage of age. As noted we are working on a Series A round of funding. We have not talked to Sequoia, Andreesen-Horowitz or others but we assume they will be jumping on this momentarily and once they do it will be too late and the VC circle will have begun; don’t miss your chance!

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