I’ve Slowed Aging!

As I read yet another post about how business X’s growth has slowed as a percentage but without showing the actual numbers it occurred to me as 2014 wraps up: year-over-year, as a percentage, my aging has slowed down!!!

Furthermore I can make a staggering prediction that my aging will in fact slow down even more in 2015!!!

Don’t believe me? I have a chart and therefore this must be true, right?

Chart 1: reduction in aging as a percentage:

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Amazing, right? Even more stunning as I ran the numbers (this is analyst-speak for “I plunked some numbers into Excel and moved them around until I made my point”) is that I can, with 99.97% accuracy* show that I will have cut my aging in half by 2050.

Chart 2: prediction for 2050

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You can’t really argue with the math here. I even added significant digits to the percentages and everything just like a real analyst!

If you want this level of expert consulting on your business using omni-quantitative predictive modeling let me know, we are available at exorbitantly competitive rates. We are also currently considering a Series A round of funding for our stealth startup based on this anti-aging “miracle” formula. Contact me @bricin on Twitter for more information about getting in on the ground floor.

Happy New Year!

  • 99.97% accuracy is based on the “true fact” that I might in actually die in which case my annual aging will in fact have been driven to zero. Seriously zero aging!

** Interested in the actual numbers? Let us know if you want to invest in the application that you can use to derive your own annual decrease in aging as a percentage of age. As noted we are working on a Series A round of funding. We have not talked to Sequoia, Andreesen-Horowitz or others but we assume they will be jumping on this momentarily and once they do it will be too late and the VC circle will have begun; don’t miss your chance!

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npr:

If you’ve ever listened to karaoke at a bar, you know that drinking can affect how well someone can sing. Christopher Olson and his colleagues at Oregon Health and Science University recently set out to find if the same was true for birds, specifically zebra finches.

“We just showed up in the morning and mixed a little bit of juice with 6 percent alcohol, and put it in their water bottles and put it in the cages,” Olson told All Things Considered’s Arun Rath. “At first we were thinking that they wouldn’t drink on their own because, you know, a lot of animals just won’t touch the stuff. But they seem to tolerate it pretty well and be somewhat willing to consume it.”

The finches long have been used as a model to study human vocal learning, or how people learn to communicate using language, Olson said. Obviously, alcohol affects human speech, so Olson and his team checked for similar problems with the birds.

The blood-alcohol levels achieved — .05 to .08 percent — would be laughed off by many college students, but because birds metabolize alcohol differently it was plenty to produce the effects the scientists were looking for.

Listen to the audio, and you’ll hear that the finches’ song gets a bit quieter and just a little slurred, or as Olson puts it, “a bit less organized in their sound production” — like a roommate calling from a bar to get a ride home.

Scientists Discover That Drunk Birds Sing Like Drunks

Photo credit: Liza Gross/Courtesy Public Library of Science

This is exactly the kind of research I support. It supports something we already pretty much know (alcohol + karaoke = bad) and it allows researchers to sound all science-y about it (“less organized in sound production” vs “staggering drunk”).

But can drunk birds remember all the words to “Someone Like You” and “Let It Go” at 1:00 am? #science

theverge:

Don’t call the Withings Activité a smartwatch. Call it the future.

Love it! This is the direction wearables need to go. This isn’t a futuristic, ugly, date-preventing monstrosity but something you would otherwise wear. It just does it better.

#wearables

Article: These 17 companies achieved $1B+ valuations in 2014 without a murmur of revenue

Article: These 17 companies achieved $1B+ valuations in 2014 without a murmur of revenue

Article: 10 things not to buy in 2015, #3 bottled water

Article: 10 things not to buy in 2015, #3 bottled water


nprglobalhealth:

Floating Toilets That Clean Themselves Grow On A Lake

Imagine you live on a floating lake house. Open air. Chirping crickets. Clear, starry nights. Everything seems great until you need to use the bathroom.

The natural instinct might be to make a deposit in the water. But that wouldn’t be safe. Microbes in your feces would contaminate the water and could cause outbreaks of deadly diseases, like cholera.

A group of engineers in Cambodia wants to solve that problem for the floating villages of Tonle Sap Lake, the largest freshwater lake in Southeast Asia. Over a million people live on or around it. Exposure to wastewater spawns diarrhea outbreaks each year. In Cambodia, diarrheal diseases cause 1 in 5 deaths of children under age 5.

To help clean the lake’s water, engineers at the company Wetlands Work! in Phnom Penh are developing plant-based purifiers, called Handy Pods. The pods are essentially little kayaks filled with plants. They float under the latrine of a river house and decontaminate the water that flows out.

Here’s how it works. When a person uses the latrine, the wastewater flows into an expandable bag, called a digester. A microbial soup of bacteria and fungi inside the digester breaks down the organic sludge into gases, such as carbon dioxide, ammonia and hydrogen.

Continue reading.

Photo: A pod to pick up your poo: The Handy Pod features floating hyacinth plants placed underneath a houseboat’s latrine. The blue tarp offers privacy. (Courtesy Taber Hand)

What an amazingly great system! I wonder if this + solar would be enough to get houseboats fully off the grid i.e. both electricity and otherwise?

Fwd: Song Of The Year

Fwd: Song Of The Year